Legolas and his True Love
by Bobwot
Summary: A silly little fic about Legolas trying to win the heart of his true love. Unfortunately, things aren't working out. BRAND NEW PAIRING INTRODUCED! No slash.
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: I own none of J.R.R. Tolkien's world, objects, or characters. Heck, I feel so sad now. I think I'll go ruminate on this disclaimer. When I'm back, I'll have more.  
  
I'm back and ready to start!  
  
Pairings are often discussed by FanFiction readers and authors, and by now you've read and heard of many. This FanFiction will introduce a new pairing that I do believe has never been used before, or not much, in any case. Perhaps it has been used, but not to this extent. It is... Wait for it...  
  
LEGOLAS / LEGOLAS' HAIR! Note: The hair is always the opposite gender of the person.  
  
Here begins the Fic:**

One day, Legolas was sitting in bed reading his new edition of the Oxford Elvish Dictionary. He was reading quite happily when he got to the entry entitled "hair". Legolas sighed and tears sprung into his eyes. As if he needed any reminding of her... All the memories he had of his hair were bitter ones. They had never gotten along, and would often end a wonderful conversation by fighting. Legolas decided that he was bored of the dictionary, and put it down. Instead, he took out his old Science textbook and plopped it on his bed. It opened to: "HAIROLOGY – A STUDY OF HAIR". Legolas wept unhappily. However much he hated his hair, he would always have a special place for her in his heart. He couldn't forget her, no matter how hard he tried. Legolas and his hair hadn't always been this bitter. Once, they had been very happy together. Their romance had been the talk of Mirkwood, but it had ended abruptly. Legolas resolved to try again.  
  
The next day, Legolas rolled out of bed, chose his outfit, put it on, then ate a light meal. He went for a brisk walk into the forests of Mirkwood and found a quiet clearing. Nobody else was around except for him and his hair. He climbed a tree and hung upside down off a branch so that he could see his hair face to... er... hair.  
He blushed, then began. "Um... O dear hair, I am very sorry for arguing with you. I see now that you were right the time you said the pink ribbon wouldn't look good on you. Argh! What I mean is... um... you were right, and I was wrong. I am very sorry."  
His hair sighed. "You know it isn't just that, Legolas. You know it'll never work out; it never has! We just can't get along together. I'm sorry." His hair turned to go.  
Legolas screamed as he was nearly yanked off the branch by his hair. "Please!" he gasped. "Don't go yet!"  
"Too late. Au revoir, mon ami!" His hair turned to go once more.  
"No! Please!" Legolas wept, then stopped suddenly. "Hey! When did you learn how to speak French?" He screamed as he was yanked off the branch, and fell to the ground with a thud.  
"So sorry, dear! I keep on forgetting I'm attached to your scalp!" cried his stricken hair.  
It was a sad parting for both Legolas and his hair that day. Indeed, the parting wasn't even straight or in the middle.  
  
Legolas' hair refused to speak to him for a whole week. Legolas felt very lonely. He wouldn't even have minded if she just snapped at him; that would be better than being ignored by his love.  
One day, Legolas decided to visit Lothlorien. He hadn't visited for a while, and decided that he missed it quite a bit. He packed a week's worth of hair-care items, arrows, and clothing, and set off early the next morning.  
It was quite a trek to Lorien, but Legolas was determined to get there as soon as possible. He took a break mid-way to look up an insult in the Oxford Elvish Dictionary that a passing dwarf had hurled at him, ruminated on its meaning, and ate a carrot. Then he went on fearlessly as before. Soon, he reached Lorien and was greeted by Haldir, Rumil, Orophin, and Other Elves.  
"Hello, Legolas," said Haldir in Common Speech, "and welcome to Lorien."  
"Welcome, traveler, to our humble adobe." said Rumil, attempting the Common tongue.  
"Don't you mean 'abode'?" asked Haldir in Elvish.  
After a little chat between the two brothers on 'abode' and 'adobe', Orophin added, "We have not seen you for a while." This was spoken in Elvish, as by now they had given up Common Speech; 'abode' and 'adobe' had ticked them off quite a bit.  
Legolas smiled. "I've been staying at home for a while, but I'm very glad to see you again. I've missed Lothlorien."  
There was a silence as Legolas looked around him. He hadn't realized how much he loved Lothlorien, and how beautiful it was indeed.  
"Pardon," spoke Other Elves, breaking the silence, "but is that a nibbled carrot I see sticking out of the Oxford Elvish Dictionary?"  
"Yes," Legolas told him. "It makes a wonderful bookmark."  
  
**Dun dun dun! To be continued! I know it's a silly fic, but... Just to let you know, I have the second chapter already written, but I have no ideas for the third one. Once you have read the second chapter, I welcome ideas for the next. I am going to be very slow at updating, so bear with me. To all those Legolas Fangirls out there: my apologies.**


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I have stolen nothing. Unless you are a pinapple, I have nothing to fear. And nor do you. Thank you, come again.**

The next morning, Legolas went to visit Galadrel and Celeborn. He gave them some Mirkwood carrots as a gift from his father and they asked him how life was. Legolas was too embarrassed to mention his love life, so he muttered that he was doing very well, thank you.  
"Oooh!" gasped Legolas' hair. "Galadriel's hair is kinda cute."  
Thankfully, Galadriel hadn't heard. She told him stories about her family while he listened intently. Celeborn fell asleep and tumbled into the Celebrant, though his wife and Legolas were both to caught up in Galadriel's stories to notice.  
"Actually," continued Legolas' hair after thinking for a while, "Galadriel's hair is hot."  
"It can't be," protested Legolas. "We're sitting in the shade."  
Galadriel, who hadn't heard, was still reminiscing and talking away.  
"I think I'll introduce myself," said the hair cheerfully.  
Poor Legolas was very upset. He excused himself and left to find Haldir, Rumil, Orophin, and Other Elves just as Celeborn's head popped back out of the water. Once Legolas found his four friends, though, he could not bring himself to tell them his problem. Instead, they invited him tree-climbing. They climbed on the trees bordering the Celebrant and sang songs for the whole afternoon.  
  
After eating a simple Elven meal, Legolas curled up to read his Oxford Elvish Dictionary. He tried to find 'abode' and 'adobe', then gave up and ate a carrot in silence, thinking about the day's events. "Legolas," said his hair after a while, "do you think Galadriel's hair will like me?" "I'm sure it will," Legolas said heavily. "Really?" asked his hair brightly. "Do you think that it's pretty?" "Sure," said Legolas, pretending not to be interested. 'I think you're pretty,' he thought sadly. "You know, I think I'll invite it to come climb trees with me," said his hair wistfully. "You do that." Legolas closed the dictionary, finished another carrot, and went to bed, feeling very upset and lonely. Lonelier than he'd ever felt in his life. Would his hair ever see his love for it? He hummed an Elven ditty that he had learned in Rivendell: When you're thinking of Valinor and you know it sing a song, When you're thinking of Valinor and you know it sing a song, When you're thinking of Valinor and you know it, And you really want to show it, When you're thinking of Valinor and you know it sing a song. This cheered Legolas up slightly, and he drifted off to sleep feeling slightly comforted. His hair, in the meantime, was dreaming of the perfect date with Galadriel's hair. It began to think of better times with Legolas, climbing in the trees, but it brushed those memories away and began to plan for its date.

**Ah, yes... too short, was it? Sorry. No, seriously. I'm very sorry, so try and be content with this puny chapter and I shall not run crying to a pineapple. I shall do better next time. R and R... no flames, please. Only happy flames! Uh... sorry about that. **

** BWot**


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